Asides

Aside

Microsoft

It’s hard to believe that Microsoft is 41 years old. In that time, its had its ups (think Windows XP with around one billion sales) and its downs (think Windows ME, which lasted for less than 18 months). But one thing that’s clear is Microsoft has cleverly re-invented itself, re-booted and disrupted its own business in a massive way. Some would argue Microsoft is now “cool” again.

Aside

Genesis of a DBA Universe

In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty and raw, and Unix moved over the face of the platters. And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.

And it was day and it was evening of the first day.

And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters. And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users might be given wings and take fight over the data.

And it was day and it was evening of the second day.

And the DBA said: Let there be tablespaces. And there were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an engine of search.

And it was day and it was evening of the third day.

And the DBA created users. Male and female he created them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place, and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And the serpent crept among the users and whispered to them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the users heeded the serpent and filled the system tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine, for behold the users were permanent employees and the DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their create session.

And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.

And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the face of the array with roles and profiles and all manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments even unto the archived redo logs.

And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.

And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune the server and apply patches upon the face of the database.

And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.

And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA got through to someone who knew whereof they spake behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth day.

And the DBA waxed wroth.

Aside

12 Days of Denormalization

On the first day of denormalization, my design gave to me
a really fast-running query.

On the second day of denormalization, my design gave to me
2 less tables.

On the third day of denormalization, my design gave to me
3 more indexes.

On the fourth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
4 larger disks.

On the fifth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
5 brand new reqs.

On the sixth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
6 times the locking.

On the seventh day of denormalization, my design gave to me
7 longer updates.

On the eighth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
8 more requirements.

On the ninth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
9 invalid rows.

On the tenth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
10 delays deleting.

On the eleventh day of denormalization, my design gave to me
11 questionable queries.

On the twelfth day of denormalization, my design gave to me
12 lessons learned.